Idiots are invincible - Dr Ro Страница 15

Thoughts play an extremely important part in our experience of the world. What is going on in our mind can be a creative, constructive, or disastrous force. As we will see, we can choose our thoughts. Choose to think happy thoughts to experience happy moments. Many happy moments make up a happy hour, a happy week, a happy life!

In the words of Aristotle, “happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” More than anything, people seek happiness and, although happiness is the purpose, every other aim only has value because we expect it to make us happy.

The concept of felicity, according to Aristotle, correlates happiness with creativity. Happiness, therefore, is a feeling experienced when a person is developing his/her skills and engaged in meaningful and important activities.

Others consider happiness as the satisfaction that stems from the balance between a person’s needs and their desires.

Success is getting and achieving what you want. Happiness is wanting and being content with what you get. – Bernard Meltzer

Controlling our thoughts, changing our appraisal of situations, and regulating the emotions generated by events are all effective strategies, particularly when we have exhausted all possibilities of resolving the problems ourselves.

Alas, let us take things from the beginning. As you well know, the best approach to disease is not cure but prevention. Before we talk in more detail about responses to stress from the moment an unpleasant event has become a reality, let us invest some time to the “pre-match” or “preparation” period, i.e., the period prior to the manifestation of a problem. To prepare for the sporting demands of the upcoming season, athletes begin training months ahead. How about you?

Chapter 6: Prediction and prevention

If people are constantly falling off a cliff, you could place ambulances under the cliff or build a fence on the top of the cliff. We are placing all too many ambulances under the cliff. – Denis Burkitt

IDEAS TO help us prepare to deal with all types of stressful situations are presented below.

Take good care of yourself

Pay attention to your overall physical and psychological health. As mentioned, individuals who are in good physical condition have better resistance to stress. If you are envisaging an improvement in your ability to manage stress, build your physical condition and your body, so that you can comfortably resist situations of intense emotional gravitas.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. – Samuel Johnson

A well-balanced diet and some form of daily physical activity enhance our ability to resist enduring stress. Pay attention to your diet. At the same time, take up some form of intense physical activity for 30 minutes at least three times a week.

Doctors and psychologists agree that exercise is one of the best antidepressant and anxiolytics. At the same time, exercise boosts our self-confidence, possibly via the following mechanisms: a) increasing our sense of self-control, b) improving our general physical condition, c) hormone secretion (adrenaline, endorphins), which in turn produces an overall feeling of wellbeing, the so-called “runner’s high,” d) increasing body temperature, e) distracting our attention away from problems, and f) assisting social contact.

For some, of course, exercise is like “lifting something that does not need lifting and running when no one is chasing you.” You suggest going for a run and they answer: “You must be joking. My team is playing today. In any case, when I feel the urge to go running, I lie down and wait for it to pass.” Clearly, watching sports is not the same as participating.

Find a sport or activity that suits you and offers you enough satisfaction for you to want to invest and participate in it. To find it, however, you must try it. Team up and go running with an “eagle,” a high-performance individual who will pull you out from under the duvet next time it feels too heavy to move.

Things do not always turn out the way we want

Got a car? According to statistical data30 the moment you buy a car you enter a lottery with a jackpot of three accidents in your lifetime.

Things do not always turn out the way we want. Setbacks are an integral part of life. You will do well to accept this and be as prepared as possible for “dark winters” and lean seasons. As we have said, it is not what happens to you but how you react to it and what you do about it.

Make copies of your keys (especially the car keys). Keep them in strategic places, so that they are handy at any given moment. Always have in mind an alternative Plan B or rescue plan. – Dr Ro

Tolerate uncertainty

Someone once said that uncertainty is the price of freedom. A degree of uncertainty is inevitable in every situation. Uncertainty is usually the product of a lack of knowledge and information, particularly when the situation is unexpected, and conditions are unfamiliar. Aim to reduce uncertainty by collecting information and acting accordingly.

Allow me to suggest that it is best to abandon the “I have to be certain” rule. Instead, tell yourself, “Why not? A little uncertainty adds colour to my life. If everything was predictable, it would be very boring.”

One of the most common areas of uncertainty is human relationships. People are unpredictable and often react completely unexpectedly. Other times they send mixed messages. Accept the fact there are no good-working-order guarantees for relationships, not even … for the first three years or the first 100,000 kilometres. Even the happiest couples may have to accept the fact that both partners will grow, sometimes in significantly different directions.

To reduce or resolve misunderstandings, ask the other person how they feel, what exactly they mean, what they want and what they are expecting from you. Then listen and try to understand the other person’s point of view – preferably putting aside pride and biases, withholding judgment, and avoiding rushing to conclusions.

Let us examine an example of an uncertain and, for many, unfamiliar situation. Public speaking is first on the list of people’s most common phobias and ranks higher than spiders and snakes. What is the recommended plan of action?

If you cannot avoid a problem, accept it, and admit that it may be one of your most thorny experiences. Do your research and prepare your notes. The better prepared you are, the less stress and uncertainty you will experience.

To illustrate the point, if you were required to talk about a topic of your expertise, or to submit a single thing you know very well – let us say, your name – I do not think it would be quite as agonizing.

Train for your exposure to an audience by talking in front of a mirror, to your cat or your dog, your grandpa – who cannot hear without his hearing aid – or anyone else you want. Demosthenes, the ancient Greek orator, who could not pronounce the letter “R,” managed it with a pebble in his mouth; you, mighty Ro method students, will not be beaten!

At the same time, try to change your frame of mind: “Given that I have decided to do this, I am going to enjoy it!”

Then go for it. If it goes well, all is good. If it does not, that’s okay too. What have you learnt? What will you do differently next time? In the worst-case scenario, you will never be invited to speak again (all the better for you, unless you have decided to become a professional public speaker).

Improve your self-awareness

If we can identify our stressors, the types of situations that create stress for us and find out when they occur, we can actively prepare for them. By applying specific techniques, we can then tackle them successfully. Go back and re-read the relevant chapter on the sources of stress. Examine and record, if you haven’t already, the stressors you encounter regularly. Identify your ineffective emotional and behavioural responses. Practice challenging your self-destructive thoughts and habits and replacing them with positive ones.