Eoin Colfer - Artemis Fowl. The Opal Deception Страница 25

‘Oh dear.’

‘“Oh dear” hardly covers it. Maybe now would be a good time to call the networks, or faint in awe.’

Argon took the second option, collapsing to the floor in a limp heap. The sudden evaporation of his dreams of fame and fortune were too much to handle all at once.

Foaly stepped over him and then galloped all the way to Police Plaza.

E7, SOUTHERN ITALY

Opal Koboi was having a hard time being patient. She had used up every last drop of her patience in the Argon Clinic. And now she wanted things to happen on her command. Unfortunately, a hundred million tonnes of haematite will only sink through the Earth at five metres per second and there isn’t a lot anybody can do about it.

Opal decided to pass the time by watching Holly Short die. That cretinous captain. Who did she think she was, with her crew cut and cute bow lips? Opal glanced at herself in a reflective surface. Now there was real beauty. There was a face that deserved its own currency, and it was quite possible that she would soon have it.

‘Mervall,’ she snapped. ‘Bring me the Eleven Wonders disk. I need something to cheer me up.’

‘Right away, Miss Koboi,’ said Merv. ‘Would you like me to finish preparing the meal first, or bring you the disk directly?’

Opal rolled her eyes at her reflection. ‘What did I just say?’

‘You said to bring you the disk.’

‘So what do you think you should do, my dearest Mervall?’

‘I think I should bring you the disk,’ said Merv.

‘Genius, Mervall. Pure genius.’

Merv left the shuttle’s kitchenette, ejecting a disk from the recorder. The computer would have the film on its hard drive, but Miss Koboi liked to have her personal favourites on disk so she could be cheered up, wherever she happened to be.

Highlights from the past included her father’s nervous breakdown, the attack on Police

Plaza and Foaly bawling his eyes out in the LEP operations booth.

Merv handed the disk to Opal.

‘And?’ said the tiny pixie.

Merv was stumped for a moment, then he remembered. One of Opal’s new commandments was that the Brill brothers should bow when they approached their leader. He swallowed his pride and bowed low from the waist.

‘Better. Now, weren’t you supposed to be preparing dinner?’

Merv retreated, still bowing. There had been a lot of pride-swallowing going on around here in the last few hours. Opal was unhappy with the level of service and respect provided by the Brill brothers, and so she had drawn up a list of rules. These directives included the aforementioned bowing, never looking Opal in the eyes, going outside the shuttle to pass wind and not thinking too loudly within three metres of their employer.

‘Because I know what you are thinking,’ Opal had said in a low, tremulous voice. ‘I can see your thoughts swirling around your head. Right now, you’re marvelling at how beautiful I am.’

‘Uncanny,’ gasped Merv, while traitorously wondering if there was a cuckoo flitting about his head at that very moment. Opal was going seriously off the rails with all this changing her species and world domination. He and Scant would have deserted her by now if she hadn’t promised that they could have Barbados when she was queen of the Earth. That and the fact that, if they deserted her now, Opal would add the Brill brothers to her vengeance list.

Merv retreated to the kitchen and continued with his efforts to prepare Miss

Koboi’s food without actually touching it. Another new rule. Meanwhile, Scant was in the cargo bay, checking the detonator relays on the last two shaped charges. One for the job, and one back-up. The charges were about the size of melons but they would make a much bigger mess if they exploded. He checked that the magnetic relay pods were secure on the casings. The relays were standard mining sparker units that would accept the signal from the remote detonator and send a neutron charge into the bellies of the charges.

Scant winked at his brother through the kitchen doorway.

Merv pursed his lips in silent imitation of a cuckoo. Scant nodded wearily. They were both getting tired of Opal’s outrageous behaviour. Only the prospect of drinking pina coladas on the beach in Barbados kept them going.

Opal, oblivious to all the discontent in her camp, popped the video disk into the multi-drive. To watch one’s enemies die in glorious colour and surround-sound was surely one of the greatest assets of technology. Several video windows opened on the screen. Each one represented the view from one of the hemisphere’s cameras.

Opal watched delightedly as Holly and Artemis were driven into the river by a pack of slobbering trolls. She ‘Oohed’ and ‘Aahed’ as they took refuge on the tiny island of corpses. Her tiny heart beat faster as they scaled the Temple scaffolding. She was about to instruct Mervall to fetch her some chocolate truffles from the booty box to go with the movie, when the cameras blacked out.

‘Mervall,’ she squealed, wringing her delicate fingers. ‘Descant! Get in here.’

The Brill brothers rushed into the lounge, handguns drawn.

‘Yes, Miss Koboi?’ said Scant, laying the shaped charges down on a fur-covered lounger.

Opal covered her face. ‘Don’t look at me!’ she ordered.

Scant lowered his eyes. ‘Sorry. No eye contact. I forgot.’

‘And stop thinking that.’

‘Yes, Miss Koboi. Sorry, Miss Koboi.’ Scant had no idea what he was supposed to be thinking, so he tried to blank out everything.

Opal crossed her arms, tapping her fingers on her forearms, until both brothers were bowing before her.

‘Something has gone wrong,’ she said, her voice trembling slightly. ‘Our Temple of Artemis cameras seem to have malfunctioned.’

Merv rewound the footage up to the last image. In it, the trolls were advancing on Artemis and Holly across the Temple roof.

‘It looks like they were done for anyway, Miss Koboi.’

‘Yep,’ agreed Scant. ‘No way out of that one.’

Opal cleared her throat. ‘Firstly, yep is not a word, and I will not be spoken to in slang. New rule. Secondly, I assumed that Artemis Fowl was dead once before, and I spent a year in a coma as a result. We must proceed as though Fowl and Short have survived and are on our trail.’

‘With respect, Miss Koboi,’ said Merv, directing the words at his own toes, ‘this is a stealth shuttle. We didn’t leave a trail.’

‘Moron,’ said Opal casually. ‘Our trail is on every television screen above ground, and doubtless below it. Even if Artemis Fowl were not a genius, he would guess that I am behind the Zito probe. We need to plant the final charge now. How deep is the probe?’

Scant consulted a computer readout. ‘Eighty-eight point two miles. We have another ninety minutes to go to the optimum blast point.’

Opal paced the deck for a few moments. ‘We have not picked up any communication with Police Plaza, so if they are alive, they are alone. Best not to risk it.

We will plant the charge now and guard it. Descant, check the casings again. Mervall, run a systems check on the shuttle — I don’t want a single ion escaping through the hull.’

The pixie twins stepped backwards, bowing as they went. They would do as they were told, but surely the boss was being a bit paranoid.

‘I heard that thought,’ screeched Opal. ‘I am not paranoid!’

Merv stepped behind a steel partition to shield his brainwaves. Had Miss Koboi really intercepted the thought? Or was it just the paranoia again? After all, paranoid people usually believe that everyone thinks they are paranoid. Merv poked his head out from behind the partition and beamed a thought at Opal, just to be sure.

Holly Short is prettier than you, he thought, as loudly as he could. A treasonous thought to be sure, one Opal could hardly fail to pick up on if she could indeed read minds.

Opal stared at him. ‘Mervall?’

‘Yes, Miss Koboi?’

‘You’re looking directly at me. That’s very bad for my skin.’

‘Sorry, Miss Koboi,’ said Merv, averting his eyes, which happened to glance through the cockpit windscreen, towards the mouth of the chute. He was just in time to see an LEP shuttle rise through the holographic rock outcrop that covered the shuttle-bay door. ‘Erm, Miss Koboi, we have a problem.’ He pointed out through the windscreen.

The shuttle had risen to ten metres and was hovering above the Italian landscape, obviously searching for something.

‘They’ve found us,’ said Opal in a horrified whisper. Then she quelled her panic and quickly analysed the situation. ‘That is a transport shuttle, not a pursuit vehicle,’ she noted, walking quickly into the cockpit, closely followed by the twins. ‘We must assume that Artemis Fowl and Captain Short are aboard. They have no weapons and basic scanners. In this poor light, we are virtually invisible to the naked eye. They are blind.’

‘Should we blast them from the skies?’ asked the younger Brill brother eagerly. At last, some of the aggression he had been promised.

‘No,’ replied Opal. ‘A plasma burst would give away our position to human and fairy police satellites. We go silent. Turn off everything. Even life support. I don’t know how they got this close, but the only way they’re going to discover our exact location is to run into us. And if that happens, their sad little shuttle will crumple like cardboard.’

The Brills obeyed promptly, switching off all the shuttle’s systems.

‘Good,’ whispered Opal, placing a slim finger over her lips. They watched the shuttle for several minutes, until Opal decided to break the silence.

‘Whoever is passing wind, please stop it, or I will devise a fitting punishment.’

‘It wasn’t me,’ mouthed the Brill brothers simultaneously. Neither was anxious to find out what the fitting punishment for passing wind was.

E7, TEN MINUTES EARLIER

Holly eased the LEP shuttle through a particularly tricky secondary shaft and into E7. Almost immediately, two red lights began pulsing on the console.

‘The clock is ticking,’ she announced. ‘We just triggered two of Foaly’s sensors.

They’re going to put the shuttle together with the probe and come running.’

‘How long?’ asked Artemis.

Holly calculated in her head. ‘If they come supersonic in the attack shuttle, less than half an hour.’

‘Perfect,’ said Artemis, pleased.

‘I’m glad you think so,’ moaned Mulch. ‘Supersonic LEP officers are never a welcome sight among burglars. As a general rule, we prefer our police officers subsonic.’

Holly clamped the shuttle to a rocky outcrop on the chute wall. ‘Are you backing out, Mulch? Or is this just the usual moaning?’

The dwarf rotated his jaws, warming them up for the work ahead. ‘I think I’m entitled to a little moan. Why do these plans always involve me putting myself in harm’s way while you three get to wait it out in the shuttle?’

Artemis handed him a cooler sack from the galley. ‘Because you are the only one who can do this, Mulch. You alone can foil Koboi’s plan.’

Mulch was not impressed. ‘I’m not impressed,’ he said.

‘I better get a medal for this. Real gold too. No more gold-plated computer disks.’

Holly hustled him to the starboard hatch. ‘Mulch, if they don’t lock me in prison for the rest of my life, I will start the campaign to give you the biggest medal in the LEP cabinet.’

‘And amnesty for any past and future crimes?’

Holly opened the hatch. ‘Past, maybe. Future, not a chance. But no guarantees.

I’m not exactly flavour of the month at Police Plaza.’

Mulch tucked the sack inside his shirt. ‘OK. Possible big medal and probable amnesty. I’ll take it.’ He put one foot outside on to the flat surface of the rock. Tunnel wind sucked at his leg, threatening to tumble him into the abyss. ‘We meet back here in twenty minutes.’

Artemis handed the dwarf a small walkie-talkie from the LEP locker. ‘Remember the plan,’ Artemis shouted over the roar of the wind. ‘Don’t forget to leave the communicator. Only steal what you are supposed to. Nothing else.’

‘Nothing else,’ echoed Mulch, looking none too pleased. After all, who knew what valuables Opal might have lying about up there. ‘Unless something really jumps out at me.’

‘Nothing,’ insisted Artemis. ‘Now, are you sure you can get in?’

Mulch’s grin revealed rows of rectangular teeth. ‘I can get in. You just make sure their power is off and they’re looking the other way.’

Butler hefted the bag of tricks he had brought with him from Fowl Manor. ‘Don’t worry, Mulch. They’ll be looking the other way. I guarantee it.’

POLICE PLAZA, THE LOWER ELEMENTS

All the brass were in the operations room, watching live television updates on the probe’s progress when Foaly burst in.

‘We need to talk,’ blurted the centaur to the general assembly.

‘Quiet,’ hissed Council Chairman Cahartez. ‘Have a bowl of curry.’

Chairman Cahartez ran a fleet of curry vans in Haven City. Vole curry was his speciality. Obviously, he was doing the catering for this little viewing session.

Foaly ignored the buffet table. He snatched a remote control from a chair armrest, muting the master volume.

‘We have big trouble, ladies and gentlemen. Opal Koboi is loose and I think she’s behind the Zito probe.’

A high-backed swivel chair swung round. Ark Sool was lounging in it.

‘Opal Koboi? Amazing. And she’s doing all this psychically, I suppose.’

‘No. What are you doing in that chair? That’s the commander’s chair. The real commander, not Internal Affairs.’

Sool tapped the golden acorns on his lapel. ‘I’ve been promoted.’

Foaly blanched. ‘You’re the new Recon commander.’

Sool’s smile could have illuminated a dark room. ‘Yes. The Council felt that Recon has been getting a bit out of hand lately. They felt — and I must say I agree — that Recon needs a firm hand. Of course, I will stay on at Internal Affairs until a suitable replacement can be found.’

Foaly scowled. There was no time for this. Not now. He had to get clearance for a supersonic launch immediately.

‘OK, Sool, Commander. I can lodge my objection later. Right now we have an emergency on our hands.’

Everyone was listening now. But none with much enthusiasm except Wing Commander Vinyaya, who had always been a staunch supporter of Julius Root and would certainly have not voted for Sool. Vinyaya was all ears. ‘What’s the emergency, Foaly?’ she asked.

Foaly slipped a computer disk into the room’s multi-drive. ‘That thing in the

Argon Clinic is not Opal Koboi, it’s a clone.’

‘Evidence?’ demanded Sool.

Foaly highlighted a window on the screen. ‘I scanned her retinas and found that the last image the clone saw was Opal Koboi herself. Obviously during her escape.’