DIANE DUANE - A Wizard Alone Страница 9

Idon t know. I m not a wizard. But I know what it s like to be scared .

Kit heard the pity in his dog s voice, and was slightly surprised. NormallyPonch saved his concern for members of the family, or friends.  You re sure you can pick up the trail again 

Any time.But not right now.Ponch trotted away from the bottom of the cliff, purposeful, not looking back.I m tired .

ButPonch is sad, too, Kit thought.And that makes it worse .  Come on, big guy,  he said.  Let s go.

Together, they vanished.

Conversations

Nita looked up out of darkness at the giant robot that was staring down at her.

At the time this seemed like the most natural thing in the world. There she stood, barefoot, in her long, pink-striped nightshirt, and there stood the robot, glittering in the single spotlight that shone down on the dark floor. The gleam of thedownfalling light on the metal of the robot s skin was nearly blinding.What kind of metal is that, I wonder   Nita thought, for the skinsheened a number of colors, from a hot blue through magenta to a greenish yellow, depending on how the robot moved. Right now it was shifting idly from foot to foot, as if it was waiting for something to happen.

Titanium, Nita thought, recalling some jewelry she d seen one of her classmates wearing to school recently; it had had the same hot-colored sheen as the robot s skin.

Or was it palladium  I forget.  Hello   Nita called up to the robot.

There was no reply. But the robot did hold still, then, and incline its head a little to look down in Nita s general direction. There was no telling whether it was actually looking at her: Where eyes normally would have been, there was a horizontal slit, which probably had sensors behind it. The robot strongly resembled the kind of giant robot that kept turning up on Saturday morning television, and Nita found herself wondering whether this one might suddenly start breaking apart into jet fighters and tanks and other such paraphernalia. But for the moment, it just stood there.

Nita started to get a strange, repetitive,ticktock feeling in the back of her head an emotion or thought recurring, again and again, as regular and inevitable as clockwork, but recurring at a distance, in a muffled kind of way. It wasn t a pleasant feeling, either it was a kind of thought or emotion that you would suffer from, rather than experience with any particular pleasure. Fortunately, it wasn t so acute that Nita had to pay much attention to it, though she felt vaguely sorry for the robot, if this weary feeling did, indeed, belong to it.

 Is there anything I can do for you   Nita called, more loudly this time. There was no question of speaking to the robot more conversationally: Its head was at least fifty feet above the ground.This is like having a conversation with a flagpole , Nita thought.

The robot took a clunky step toward her, then another,then suddenly hunkered down in front of her with a great groan and screech of complaining, over-stressed metal. Nita thought at first that it might fall over, it looked so unsteady, and it wobbled and leaned from left to right to left again. It was intent on her, though again Nita couldn t be sure how she knew that: The metal face was blank, and it had no way to change its expression even if one had been there.

 So what is it   Nita said.  Give me a clue!

It loomed over her, possibly considering what to say. As machine intelligences went, the robot already seemed pretty reticent: Nita s limited experience with mechanical life-forms suggested that they were big talkers, but this one didn t seem to be so inclined. It just leaned over her, the size of a small apartment building, and a tongue-tied one at that.

 Oh, wait a minute,now I know what it is,  Nita said.  You want to talk to my sister, right  I m really sorry, but she s asleep right now.

No response from the shining form.  Asleep   Nita said. Temporarily nonfunctional  Off-line 

The robot suddenly began emitting what Nita thought at first were more metal-stress sounds, but after she got past how deafening they were, she found she could catch the occasional word through them, and the words were in the Speech.Oh good , Nita thought, for there were quite a few alien species scattered throughout the Local Group of galaxies who knew the Speech, using it as a convenient common tongue.

 [Grind, groan, screech]difficulty[screech-moan-crash] entropy[moan, moan, clunk-crash] communications,  the robot said. And then said nothing more, butjust wobbled back and forth amid a whine of gyros, trying to keep its balance.

Nita was getting confused.Why can t I understand it    Uh, okay,  she said in the Speech,  I think I got a little of that. Something s interfering with your communications. What exactly did you want to communicate about  Do you have some other kind of problem that needs to be solved 

The robot just crouched there, wobbling, for several moments. Then it said,  Solve[scream-of-metal, grind, ratchet] problem[moan, moan, much higher moan, crash] cyclic-insoluble[grind, grind] time[extremely long-duration whirly-noisemaker sound, crash, clunk] no solution[screeeeeeech, crashcrashcrash ] trap[boom] .

Nita revised her original opinion about having conversations with flagpoles. This was more like a dialogue with a garbagetruck, that being the only other thing in her immediate experience that sounded anything like this.  I m really sorry,  she said,  but I m having a lot of trouble understanding you. It s my fault, probably. Can you tell me more clearly how I can help you  Just what is it that you need 

The huge shape crouched there for a few more moments, then, wobbling, it got up. For a long, long moment it stood over her, seeming to gaze down at her from that great height  but Nita still couldn t be sure. Then the robot turned, and slowly and clumsily went clanking off into the darkness, out of the spotlight where it and Nita had been standing.

Nita broke out in a sudden sweat, feeling that she d missed something important.  Look,  she called after it hurriedly, feeling incredibly inadequate and useless,  I really am sorry I can t help you! If you come back later, when my sister s awake, she should be able to figure out what it is you need. Please, come back later!

But it was gone.

 and Nita found herself staring at the dark ceiling of her bedroom. The sun wasn t yet up outside, and she was still sweating, and feeling stupid, and wondering what on Earth to make of the experience she d just had.

At least it wasn t a nightmare, like that other one, she thought.

But on second thought, considering how spectacularly dumb she felt right now, Nita wasn t so sure

There was no chance of getting back to sleep, so Nita showered and got dressed for school, ate a cereal bowl s worth of breakfast that she didn t really feel like eating, and then dawdled over a cup of tea until it was time to wake her dad. This was an addition to Nita s morning routine that she heartily wished she didn t have to deal with, but her father really needed her to do it.Recently he d been turning off his alarm clock and going back to sleep without even being aware of having done so.

She knocked at the bedroom door. Daddy 

No answer.

 Daddy  it s six-thirty.

After a few seconds came the sound Nita had been bracing herself for, the sound she didn t think her dad knew he made: a low, miserable moan, which spoke entirely too clearly of how he felt, deep down inside, all the time now. But this was the only time ofday that sound got out, before he was completely awake. Nita controlled herself as strictly as she could, absolutely intent on not making things any worse for him by sounding miserable herself.

 Do you want me to make some coffee   Nita said.

 Uh,  her dad said. Yes, sweetheart. Thanks.

Nita went down to the kitchen and did that. She had mixed feelings about making her dad s coffee: That had always been what her mother did, first thing. Nita also wasn t sure if she was making it strong enough her mom had always joked that her dad didn t want any coffee that didn t actually start to dissolve the cup. Nita, being new at this, was still experimenting with slight changes to the package directions, a little more each morning, and secretly dreading the day when she would get it right, and it would most forcibly remind her dad of who hadnot made it.

She started the coffee machine and went quietly back up to her room. By then her dad was already in the shower. Nita sat down at her desk, picked up her book bag from beside it, and shoved in the textbooks she dbe needing today. She had a chemistry test that afternoon, so she picked up the relevant book from beside her bed and started reading.

It was hard to concentrate, even in the early morning stillness. In fact, it was hard to concentrate most times, but this was something that Nita had been pushing her way through by dint of sheer stubbornness. The rest of her life might be going to pieces, but at least her grades were still okay, and she was going to keep them that way. What Nita missed, though, was the sheer effortless enjoyment she had always gotten from science before. This stuff was harder than the science she d loved as a kid.That by itself isn t so much of a problem. I m learning it.Though I m not used to having to work at it. But the shadow of pain that hung over everything was also interfering  and about that, there wasn t anything she could do.

 Sweetie 

Nita looked up. Her dad was standing in her bedroom doorway, looking at her with some concern.  Sorry, Dad, I didn t hear you.

He came over and gave her a hug and a kiss.  I didn t mean to distract you. I just wanted to make sure you ll see thatDairine gets out.

 Sure.

 Don t let her sweet-talk you.

Nita raised her eyebrows at theunlikeliness of this.  I won t.

 Okay. See you later.

He went out. Nita heard the back door lock shut behind him, heard the car start. She glanced out the window into the gray, early morning light, and saw the car backing out of the driveway, turning in the street, vanishing from sight. The engine noise faded down the street.

Nita sat there and thought of her dad s still, pale face as he spoke to her. Sad all the time; he was so sad. Nita longed to see him looking some other way  yet for so long now she d routinely felt sad herself, because she could understand his problem.It s only been a month , she thought,and already I can t remember what it s like not to be sad .

The school shrink had warned her about that. Mr.Millman , fortunately, had turned out to be very different from what Nita had expected, or dreaded, when she d been sent to see him after her mom had died. The other kids at school tended to speak of  the shrink  in whispers that were half scorn, half fear. Having to go see him, in many of their minds, still meant one of three things: that you needed an IQ test probably to prove that you needed to be put in a slower track than the one you were in; that you were crazy, or about to become so; or that you were some kind of closet boozer or druggie, or had some other kind of weird thing going on that was likely to make you a danger to yourself or others.

Nita had been surprised that the crueler mouths around school hadn t immediately started to spread one or another of these rumors about her. But it hadn t happened, apparently because her mother was well known and liked in town by a lot of people, and this attitude had spread down to at least some of their kids. It seemed that those kids at school who knew her at all thought that though Nita was a geek, it was a shame about her mother, and counseling after her mom died so young wouldn t count as a black mark against her.

Sonice of them , Nita had thought when she first heard about this. But she had to admit to a certain amount of relief that mockery wasn t going to be added to the whispers of pity that she d already had more than enough of. Not that she wasn t used to half the kids she knew making fun of her as an irredeemablenerdette . But having to deal with a new level of jeering, as well as the pain, was something she could do without right now.

She still had no energy to speak of. Sleep never came easily anymore, and she kept waking up too early. But once she was awake, she didn t really want to do anything. If Nita had had her way, she d have stayed home from school half the time. But shedidn t have her way, especially sinceDairine was already in trouble with the principal at her school for all the time she d been losing so much so that their dad had to go see the principal about it this afternoon. Nita was completely unwilling to add to his problems, so she made sure she got to school on time but she found it hard to care about anything that happened there.

Or anywhere else, she thought. Even though she was up before dawn half the time, the predawn sky, even with the new comet passing through, didn t attract her as it used to. Nita leaned on the sill of the window by her desk, looking out at the bare branches of the tree out in the middle of the backyard. She could see the slow words its branches inscribed against the brightening sky in the wind, but she couldn t bring herself to care much what they said. She felt as if there was some kind of thick skin between her and the world, muffling the way she knew she ought to feel about things  and she didn t know what to do to get rid of it. What really frightened Nita were the times when she clearly perceived that separation from the world as something unnatural for her, andstill didn t care if the remoteness never got better the times she was content to just sit and stare out at the world, and watch it go by.

She found herself doing that right now, staring vaguely at the clutter on her desk pens and pencils, school notebooks, sticky pads, overdue library books, a few CDs belonging to the downstairs computer. And her manual, closed, sitting there looking like just one more of the library books.Overdue , she thought, glancing past it at the other books.That s not like me, either. I m so obsessive about getting them back ontime, usually I should take them back after school today .

But taking them back just seemed like too much trouble. It could wait another day, or two, or three, for the little fine it would cost her.Maybe I ll feel more like it over the weekend .

Nita let out a long breath as she looked at her manual. It wasn t as if it was alive in any way, as if it had anything with which to look at her

 but itwas looking at her, and she wasn t sure what to make of its expression.

She flipped it idly open to the back section, where the status listings were. Turning a few pages brought her to Kit s listing, which she scanned with brief, weary interest. Then she paged along to her own.

CALLAHAN, Juanita L.

243 E. Clinton Avenue

Hempstead,NY11575

(516) 555-6786

powerrating: 6.76 +/- .5

assignmentstatus: optional

Nita stared at that for a long moment, never having seen anything like it on her listing before.  Optional 

Since when amI  optional  !

She sat there looking at the listing for a few seconds longer.Jeez , she thought,that sounded more likeDairine than me 

It was still a strange listing. And the longer she looked at it, the less she liked it.