Idiots are invincible - Dr Ro Страница 9

Cute joke: The feeble little ghost

“Doctor, every night I have the same dream: I am asleep, nice and happy, until a little ghost appears. It says hello, I say hello back. It smiles, I smile back … and then, it asks, have you peed? And at that point I wake up and find I have wet myself.”

“Hmm,” says the doctor, “nocturnal enuresis. Interesting!”

She looks up puzzled and scratches her head for a few seconds. She then comes up with the solution. “I know! Next time it asks you if you have peed, you answer: I have. That should do it!”

“Great idea, doctor! Why didn’t I think of that! Well done! I suppose you’re the one with all the degrees! That’s what I’ll do!”

The patient walks out the office, flying high. That night, as he gets into bed, he is full of anticipation, confident of the outcome of the night. It’s not long before the ghost appears:

“Evening …,” it says.

“Evening,” responds our friend with a smile.

“Have you peed?” asks the ghost.

“He, he … I have indeed!” he giggles, full of poise and enthusiasm.

“Hmm … I bet you haven’t pooed though, have you?”

Have you peed?

A point to remember, which will be particularly useful during the discussion on stress management later, is that we can trigger our body’s physical response in a moment and in the absence of imminent danger! All it takes is simply to think of something that we consider physically or psychologically threatening. The mere thought of riding in an elevator, airplane flying, our teacher picking on us to get up in front of the class, the blonde on the bus eyeing us up (what an obsession), is enough to raise our blood pressure and produce an adrenaline rush – just like that, out of the blue.

Appraisal of the situation

Consequently, the degree of stress caused by each event depends on our own evaluation of the event, which is based on the following factors:

a) How familiar the event is,

b) The level of control we perceive we have over the event,

c) Our ability to anticipate it and, therefore, be vigilant and appropriately prepared, and

d) The imminence of the danger.

The subjective perception of stress includes two stages:

The primary appraisal phase, during which the individual answers the question “what is happening.” As soon as the stimulus is perceived, we classify the event as a) benign to our survival, b) relative to our survival, but not threatening, c) threatening enough to demand immediate efforts to adapt.

The secondary appraisal phase, during which the individual assesses their personal ability to deal with the stressful stimulus, and answers the question “what can I do?” We then move on to act as we deem correct and in response to the facts available at the given moment. This is followed by a re-evaluation of the situation.

Gender and stress

At this stage, you may be wondering:

“Do men and women differ in terms of the sources, responses, and degree of perceived stress?”

Indeed, gender differences are evident. Bear in mind, though, that women are twice as likely to visit a psychologist or psychiatrist. Men rarely admit they are having problems and, therefore, avoid asking for help. A proposed explanation is that asking for help is considered as a sign of weakness in dealing with difficult situations. Hence, it comes into conflict with the socialization of males to be strong and independent; anything else is a sign of failure!

Age and sources of stress

Do younger or older adults experience more stress?

Much like happiness, the average level of stress experienced by an individual remains relatively stable throughout their life, although there are, as you can imagine, some ups and downs. What do change at various ages are the sources of stress, which are different during childhood in relation to adulthood and old age.

A situation that may be extremely stressful during an individual’s childhood could be completely insignificant and benign if experienced during adulthood, and vice versa: an exceptionally stressful event for an adult may be completely indifferent for a child or an adolescent. Experience or lack of it and perceived responsibilities colour our perceptions at various ages.

Health issues are not major concerns for younger individuals. Middle age adults, having stopped growing upwards and beginning to grow outwards, can start worrying excessively about their appearance and health.

Of course, I hear you say, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and safe. Well, with such love handles it would have to be!

First, you forget names, then, you forget faces. Next, you forget to pull your zipper up. It gets even worse, when you start forgetting to pull it down! – George Burns

On the other hand, when you feel tired and old and think about how much you would love to return to your childhood years, remember Mrs Algebra and all those things you could not do even though you wanted to, or what you had to do even though you did not want to!

Our ways for dealing with the sources of stress change in a similar way. For instance, the older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Normally, our strategies for dealing with problems should improve with the passing of time. I say normally, because I have seen several older adults who, despite their experiences and ripe-old age, do not seem to have learnt much.

The following text illustrates the shift in the types of problems experienced by children and adults and the coping strategies used to deal with these.

A time-out from “Adult life”

Who wouldn’t want to return to the years when:

Important decisions were made using “eeny, meeny, miny, moe!”

Mistakes were corrected simply by “tearing up the sheet of paper and starting over!”

The worst punishment and chore was to write “I will never …” 100 times.

Disputes were resolved by playing “rock-paper-scissors.”

“I’ve got money” only meant that you could buy gum or an ice cream at recess.

Filling a bag with marbles was enough to keep you happy all afternoon.

It wasn’t strange to have two or three “best” friends.

The phrase “they are very old” referred to anyone over 18.

“Robbers and Policemen” was a game played only at recess … and it was more fun being the robber rather than the police officer.

The word “poisonous” referred only to types of “insects or forbidden liquids,” not to people.

To travel from earth to the sky all you needed was to become “Superman or an astronaut.”

It was great playing football without goalposts or volleyball without a net; and the rules didn’t really matter either …

The worst thing that could happen with the opposite sex was to be caught playing “doctors and nurses.”

“Bringing a weapon into school,” meant you had been caught with a catapult.

“Last one is a dork!” was the cry that made you run so fast you thought your heart was going to explode.

The “Tooth Fairy” left a coin under your pillow in exchange for your tooth. And if she left you a note … you really thought you’d reached the sky!

Discovering new skills was prompted by the phrase “I bet you can’t …”

“Disappointment” meant being the last to be selected for the school play or the football team.

“War” meant throwing pieces of chalk or paper balls during chemistry. War was something that had happened before we were born and was never going to happen again.

“Water bombs” were the latest, smartest and powerful weapons ever invented.